Out of Randomness Comes the Key to Joy...
It's amazing how much insight I gain just by observing my own life. These last few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions and perspectives for me. If I step back and observe my personal process, it is as if there is this higher observer within me that is cognizant of every part of my life. In each experience, book, movie, relationship, a bit of information sticks out to me...or a question forms. In the middle of all of this, there seem to be many inchoherent, unrelated thought streams that traverse my cranium in random fashion.
After a while of all this cogitation, a final puzzle piece drops in and forms a cohesive insight. All of the sudden all of my experiences and ruminations finally make sense. It's as if I had been fumbling in a dark room, stumbling with my hands out and bumping into different elements of the room. After a period of time, a higher power turns on the proverbial light, allowing me to see the bigger picture of the room as a cohesive whole...more than the sum of its parts. I have often called this culmination the "mental orgasm."
Many times, these insights come out of events that have emotional charges, whether positive or negative. Being the individual that I am, things as well as beliefs in my life are constantly mutating and changing. Consequently, whenever we go through changes as humans, there is a natural element of grief in every change, whether the change is small or large, "good" or "bad."
Today I spent close to two hours reviewing the notes I had made on Candace Pert's Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d. The timing of my review is uncanny, which really should be no surprise. Reading my notes on this book was the final puzzle piece to my weeks of rumination. The Higher Power decided to turn on the light.
The fumbling in the dark thought stream first started when I watched Into the Wild. This movie struck a chord with me very deeply. It spoke to my inner individual that says "Fuck Society!" I was on the anti-society, individualist thought kick for several days thereafter. Mostly, I was trying to figure out what it was about the movie that touched me so deeply. There were two quotes in particular that stayed with me:
"There is pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep sea and the music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but Nature more."
— Lord Byron
And:
"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living." - Christopher McCandless
During this same time, I started to make a new friend. While some people may see me as a social person, I tend to be a loner when it comes to deep personal connections. I really only have a few of them. As I observed myself in this relationship, I found myself really experiencing the true meaning of innocence about which I have blogged before - pure self expression without fear of reprimand. As a side note, this relationship fits the Human Design resonance pattern that I have experienced with almost every person who has been a close friend. This relationship was reminding me what a correct friendship feels like. I've had them before, but never at the same time as I had awareness of Human Design.
The final random stream came from what has been going on with me at work. I am at a crossroad in my career. The question I ask myself is - do I take a turn or do I stay the current course? Innocence is the underlying observation in all of this - can I have pure self expression without fear of reprimand in either of these? What is my authority saying? I usually have a strong feeling within my body when something is right for me. Also, whenever something is right, when I am being correct, things happen spontaneously and synchronistically. It's as if there is an energy moving me in the right direction, as if I'm being moved by the universal current. I'm not feeling that right now...what's going on? At the same time, it doesn't feel right to say no to the opportunity...at least not right now. I have been struggling for clarity and feeling frustrated in the process. I feel the disconnection from flow.
Fast forward back to the insight - the coherent thought form that connected my divergent randomness. The insight was that the key to joy is feeling connected. However, there is more than one way to feel connected. We can feel connected because of our human relationships, but it's not the only way. You can feel connected even when you are alone because connection has nothing to do with human beings and everything to do with the universal energy that is everywhere. We humans are just conduits for universal energy. This energy is in nature, in spiritualiy, in meditation, in pure personal expression...it is truly in every thing.
Feeling Joy is all about endorphins, and endorphins come through feeling connected. We need to learn how to feel connected in a disconnected world. When I try too hard or try to force something, I am literally disconnecting myself. I am forgetting the higher source of power and flow that is always on standby...waiting for me to tap into its bliss and insight.
So, in one fell swoop, it all makes sense - the movie, my new friend, the disconnect in my job. The power of insight never ceases to amaze me. With each new insight, I learn to trust myself and the process even more. Yes, I am feeling connected in this very moment...the endorphin bath is blanketing the receptors on my cells. Oh the high of the mental orgasm...drink it in, drink it in. I will make the focus of my life finding the joy of connection. It is time to let go of the codependent need to find it only in human relationships. In letting go of this need, I can truly enjoy and appreciate the precious few relationships that bring you true connection and the safety of pure self expression.
I let go of my attachment to a specific outcome. I let go of the need to control the outcome in order to feel that sense of connection. I don't have to have a certain outcome in order to be connected. Being myself makes me the magnet that connects me to my path and your purpose. In the words of Eddie Vedder: "Gonna rise up, find my direction magnetically." I trust the inner observer. My pure ease of self expression is the clear indicator that I am on the right path.
On a final note if you're of the curious sort, the passage from Candace Pert that triggered my insight is the following:
"The point is that Panksepp showed endorphins are the balm, the antidote, the soother provided by nature to deal with the distress of separation, a condition we all suffer from in our alienating, modern world. His finding should give us pause to consider - is addiction...caused by a profound sense of non-belonging, a painful disconnection from close relationships or even from community?" p 207-208
After a while of all this cogitation, a final puzzle piece drops in and forms a cohesive insight. All of the sudden all of my experiences and ruminations finally make sense. It's as if I had been fumbling in a dark room, stumbling with my hands out and bumping into different elements of the room. After a period of time, a higher power turns on the proverbial light, allowing me to see the bigger picture of the room as a cohesive whole...more than the sum of its parts. I have often called this culmination the "mental orgasm."
Many times, these insights come out of events that have emotional charges, whether positive or negative. Being the individual that I am, things as well as beliefs in my life are constantly mutating and changing. Consequently, whenever we go through changes as humans, there is a natural element of grief in every change, whether the change is small or large, "good" or "bad."
Today I spent close to two hours reviewing the notes I had made on Candace Pert's Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d. The timing of my review is uncanny, which really should be no surprise. Reading my notes on this book was the final puzzle piece to my weeks of rumination. The Higher Power decided to turn on the light.
The fumbling in the dark thought stream first started when I watched Into the Wild. This movie struck a chord with me very deeply. It spoke to my inner individual that says "Fuck Society!" I was on the anti-society, individualist thought kick for several days thereafter. Mostly, I was trying to figure out what it was about the movie that touched me so deeply. There were two quotes in particular that stayed with me:
"There is pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society where none intrudes,
By the deep sea and the music in its roar;
I love not man the less, but Nature more."
— Lord Byron
And:
"You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living." - Christopher McCandless
During this same time, I started to make a new friend. While some people may see me as a social person, I tend to be a loner when it comes to deep personal connections. I really only have a few of them. As I observed myself in this relationship, I found myself really experiencing the true meaning of innocence about which I have blogged before - pure self expression without fear of reprimand. As a side note, this relationship fits the Human Design resonance pattern that I have experienced with almost every person who has been a close friend. This relationship was reminding me what a correct friendship feels like. I've had them before, but never at the same time as I had awareness of Human Design.
The final random stream came from what has been going on with me at work. I am at a crossroad in my career. The question I ask myself is - do I take a turn or do I stay the current course? Innocence is the underlying observation in all of this - can I have pure self expression without fear of reprimand in either of these? What is my authority saying? I usually have a strong feeling within my body when something is right for me. Also, whenever something is right, when I am being correct, things happen spontaneously and synchronistically. It's as if there is an energy moving me in the right direction, as if I'm being moved by the universal current. I'm not feeling that right now...what's going on? At the same time, it doesn't feel right to say no to the opportunity...at least not right now. I have been struggling for clarity and feeling frustrated in the process. I feel the disconnection from flow.
Fast forward back to the insight - the coherent thought form that connected my divergent randomness. The insight was that the key to joy is feeling connected. However, there is more than one way to feel connected. We can feel connected because of our human relationships, but it's not the only way. You can feel connected even when you are alone because connection has nothing to do with human beings and everything to do with the universal energy that is everywhere. We humans are just conduits for universal energy. This energy is in nature, in spiritualiy, in meditation, in pure personal expression...it is truly in every thing.
Feeling Joy is all about endorphins, and endorphins come through feeling connected. We need to learn how to feel connected in a disconnected world. When I try too hard or try to force something, I am literally disconnecting myself. I am forgetting the higher source of power and flow that is always on standby...waiting for me to tap into its bliss and insight.
So, in one fell swoop, it all makes sense - the movie, my new friend, the disconnect in my job. The power of insight never ceases to amaze me. With each new insight, I learn to trust myself and the process even more. Yes, I am feeling connected in this very moment...the endorphin bath is blanketing the receptors on my cells. Oh the high of the mental orgasm...drink it in, drink it in. I will make the focus of my life finding the joy of connection. It is time to let go of the codependent need to find it only in human relationships. In letting go of this need, I can truly enjoy and appreciate the precious few relationships that bring you true connection and the safety of pure self expression.
I let go of my attachment to a specific outcome. I let go of the need to control the outcome in order to feel that sense of connection. I don't have to have a certain outcome in order to be connected. Being myself makes me the magnet that connects me to my path and your purpose. In the words of Eddie Vedder: "Gonna rise up, find my direction magnetically." I trust the inner observer. My pure ease of self expression is the clear indicator that I am on the right path.
On a final note if you're of the curious sort, the passage from Candace Pert that triggered my insight is the following:
"The point is that Panksepp showed endorphins are the balm, the antidote, the soother provided by nature to deal with the distress of separation, a condition we all suffer from in our alienating, modern world. His finding should give us pause to consider - is addiction...caused by a profound sense of non-belonging, a painful disconnection from close relationships or even from community?" p 207-208
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